Drink, drank, drunk, drunken.
The quad D abyss of the imbibed.

This is my punishment for associating with the hoi polloi

Barteener, give me another martoonie. Everyone's gotta believe in something so I believe I'll have another drink. When I drink alone I prefer to be by myself. When I drink water, I drink water. When I drink whisky, I drink whisky. I only drink when I'm alone or when I'm with somebody. One bourbon, one scotch, one beer.

It's one thing to talk about drinking but to do so without drinking is like a nun explaining the Kama Sutra. The mind isn't in the correct set and only vast quantities of alcohol can create the proper mental ambiance.

It's a little known fact that when Byron wrote his masterful poem, "She Walks in Beauty," he was totally shit-faced. Just imagine if he was sober when he wrote it... Instead of, "She walks in beauty like the night of cloudless climes and starry skies," it would've turned out like, "She was a nice girl. I liked her a lot." It just doesn't seem to have the same resonance, somehow.
Or, Percy Shelley's "Ozymandias"... "Look on my works, ye mighty, and despair." Instead it could have been, "See what I did and there's nothing you can do about it." And let's not forget Mary Shelley, Percy's drunken babe, who also wrote "Frankenstein," which could've turned out to be some soberestic prattle about some fat accountant with a bad comb-over from Peoria.

My point is, ALCOHOL INCREASES SOCIAL VALUES. It enhances the enjoyment of life. It makes colors brighter, smells sweeter, jokes funnier, girls cuter and makes us realize the total absurdity of life. Besides, it's fun as hell.

~*When you say no to wine, you say no to life.*                                                           

So, what's with this anti-drinking, anti-smoking, anti-drug, anti-fun bullshit that's been permeating our social structure in recent years? It's almost like a plot to deprive people of the fun they deserve. Don't you realize WHY people do drugs and alcohol? It's because people need vacations and American lifestyles don't allow it, so we take our mini-vacations when we can. In one evening we can step out of our dreary, day to day, stress-filled existence and go for a real vacation that doesn't require luggage, long lines, screaming toddlers, excessive security, time, money or bodies, and we can still get back to work the next morning, as a proper work slave should, ready to face yet another day of monotonous bullshittery from puke-faced, knuckle-dragging bosses who sit around on their fat asses dreaming up ways to make your worthless existence even more miserable than it already is.

 (see Neil N Bob )


Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness isn't just someone else's idea. It's a basic right, an eternal truth and part of our constitution. How dare these panty-waist, do-gooding, fun-hating, anal retentive, asshats tell ME what I can do in the privacy of my home and car? Just look at that guy in the pic. He's having a ball, and why shouldn't he? He's drinking, smoking and carousing with a couple of hot babes -- exercising his right to pursue happiness, as guaranteed under the constitution. Just what the fuck is wrong with that? I mean, REALLY! This IS the land of the free, isn't it?             

  How to serve a drink, make friends and influence people.


Now, doesn't that make you feel better? Just look at ol' blue eyes laughing his ass off while blue hair Marge is flipping you off. That's Hemingway drinking out of a tankard (remember tankards?) and what about that babe serving the shot in the proper manner? T, M and Frankie are just singing praise for the drink of choice and dig Bond James Bond getting ready to stir a martini for YOU. I mean, doesn't that make you feel real casino type royal? 

"Pink elephants... That's the bunk. It's little animals that come out at night. Tiny turkeys with straw hats and monkeys climbing through the keyhole."


Whatever happened to Tom Paine?



 get down to business