|We live in a world of rightous indignation, jihads and sinful temptations at every turn. Gambling, loose women and fast cars take their toll on our abilities to fend off evil. No matter how hard we try to live a rightous life, temptation is always lurking around the corner, ready to pounce on us with licentious disregard. How can we protect ourselves from an eternity of torment in the lake of fire?|
|Reverend T's Absolution Page|
|Yes, friends. Are you ready for Armegeddon? Are you prepared for the hereafter? If you are like 99.9% of the earth's population the answer is a resounding no. Have no fear. Just because we are all born sinners doesn't mean we have to stay that way.
Let me show you something interesting...
|1st Commandment; Verse 3: "Thou shalt have no other gods before me."
2nd Commandment; Verses 4-6: "Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them: for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me. And shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments."
3rd Commandment; Verse 7: "Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain."
4th Commandment; Verses 8-11: "Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy. Six days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work: But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God: in it thou shalt not do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates: For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day: wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it."
5th Commandment; Verse 12: "Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee."
6th Commandment; Verse 13: "Thou shalt not kill."
7th Commandment; Verse 14 "Thou shalt not commit adultery."
8th Commandment; Verse 15 "Thou shalt not steal."
9th Commandment; Verse 16 "Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbour."
10th Commandment; Verse 17 "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's."
|Ten simple Commandments.
Let me explain how these simple Commandments can change your eternity.
At any given time YOU are capable of breaking numerous holy laws without even realizing it! If you or any member of your household performed any kind of work on the sabbath, you are breaking God's law.(4th Commandment) If you have a picture of Jesus hanging on your wall or a crucifix in your kitchen or your childrens pictures on the piano or any other image or likeness of any kind YOU are breaking God's holy law. (2nd Commandment) The list goes on and on, friends. At any given point you may cheat on your taxes, (8th) drop a bowling ball on your foot, (3rd) or mow your lawn (6th) and if death should overcome you before absolution YOU are taking the chance of suffering the infinate torment of the permanent loss of heaven.
Can you honestly say you are willing to take that chance? Can anyone?
|Well friends, all is not lost. Reverend T is here to help with his online absolution service.
We pride ourselves in granting complete absolution for everyone from the truly just and rightious to the most liquer ridden Bacchanalian. From the weekend warrior to the serial killer, we judge not but free all from the ravages of sin for a one way ticket to the firmament. Praise be! Praise be your everlasting soul!
|Reverend T has been a practicing ordained minister of The Universal Life Church since 1974. He has granted absolution to thousands of sinning, lustfull humans, just like you, many of whom are in heaven now, and has been active in a campaign for spiritual world dominance involving ayurvedics, whole brain workshops and drugs.|
|Reverend T also performs wedding ceremonies in every denomination known to man in places other men of the cloth fear to go. He is now searching for legal loopholes to perform marriage ceremonies via the internet. If you, or someone close to you, are considering the act of wedded bliss with no holds barred, give Reverend T a call and we'll be glad to set something up to make your wedding day the second happiest day of your life.|
|The only graven image you will see on this site|