Babes in Cabana Boy-Land

It all started with this fortune I got in my cookie at Wang Ho's Mongolian Bar Be Q in Willow Grove, PA.....

I was a lonely man, leading an empty life so this fortune came at just the right time. I decided I better make some friends fast, so I got on the Pals4Lyfe internet site, which guarantees I'll get a pal for life or my money will be cheerfully refunded. I registered under Loserboy-6 because Loserboys 1 through 5 had already been taken. I figured it would take some time to find the right friends, but lo and behold, I got a response right away from Vanessa in upstate New York. I wondered if she would be a good friend for me, since she was so young. Only 18. But I decided to go along with it and see what happens. We corresponded and exchanged pictures and I then realized she was probably old enough for me.

Hi! I'm Vanessa, Loserboy-6's friend! His cool handle in Pals4Lyfe is what attracted me to him, but I talked him into letting me call him something else. I wanted to call him Manly McStudd but he said I should just call him Tom.
I grew up on a small farm in upstate New York. My ambition is to be a model. Tom told me I might have a chance, but I have to get used to the camera. So he offered to take as many pictures of me as I wanted, because he said the more exposure, the better! He said he has a LOT of friends in the fashion industry, and he's going to introduce me to Naomi Campbell!

I have some pix. Want to see them?

It all started innocently enough with a few pictures of Vanessa in every position I could think of, but before I knew it, I really did have a friend for life. There goes my money back guarantee. Three months after we met and she's still here. I'm not complaining... She does my laundry, fixes my car and feels real good to sleep with on those cold winter nights. But this was only the beginning...

Ok, after awhile my Pals4Lyfe mail box was starting to get pretty full. It was beginning to look like I had more friends than I could handle. How could I choose? Then I got this picture from Ashley and I just had to write her. There was something about her I couldn't put my finger on. Wouldn't you know she would write me three times a day, begging to meet me. How could I refuse?

Dudes!!! Like, I'm Ashley! I'm from San Diego, California, but I'm from like, all over, ya know??? -- but I'm like, people there are SOOO plastic, and so I meet Loserboy-6, and I just HAD to meet him, he's like rad, phat, IT, ya know what I mean??? I thought I liked to party, but he's the REAL DEAL -- what a hottie!!!! I was training to become an astronaut, but dude, those CLOTHES. So instead I decided to become a sexual therapist. I help people get rid of stress -- it's way cool! And guess what? My world rocks! So I discovered my destiny -- it's living with Tom! He lets me do whatever I want -- for him! And get this -- we both love to eat canned peaches!!!! I knew it was LOVE at first sight!!! How cool is that!


Enough, already. Two friends like Ashley and Vanessa are more than enough for any guy so I deleted my Pals4Lyfe profile and all those letters. Little did I know that Olianna was destined to be in my life as well.
I was in K-Mart buying pillows and vitamin E when I saw Olianna trying to choose between Heinz ketchup and Hunt's catsup. She was very confused so I came to her rescue with my superior knowledge of condiments. Well, she got the ketchup and I got another roommate.

Aloha! I'm Olianna from Hawaii, and I'm studying criminology at the Penn State Hazleton campus. I took one look at Tom, and I knew right away he was the man of my dreams. That mind, capable of discerning the nuances of ketchup, just sends me! I told him I needed a place to stay for a night or two while I applied to live in the dorm, but I lied -- I just knew I could only live with Tom. He can "investigate" my alimentary canal any time he wants, Sherlock!


                               ~stay tuned for part 2~                         



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