Moe. Authoritarian, bossy, bully, know-it-all, administration, idea man, eye-poker, Republican, reactionary, short temper, easily frustrated, Beatle look-alike, conservative, bourgeoisie.
Got his big break by overthrowing his imperialist master, Ted Healy. Became the bourgeois barking dog of the trio.
Curley. Loveable nit-wit, Moe's punching bag, working class, job drifter, Democrat, talks funny, Telly Savalas wannabe, rotund, chicks love him, can't cook, jack of no trade, liberal, proletariat.
Got his break when Moe freed him from servitude to the tall one, Ted Healy.
Larry. The little man with the big hair, innocuous, gets slapped every time he opens his mouth, Moe's other punching bag, violin virtuoso, artist, Everyman, Republicrat, non-Howard, intellegencia.
Thought Ted Healy was ok. Still waiting for his big break.
Could anyone ever guess in a zillion years that The 3 Stooges spearheaded a Marxist form of government in the good ol' US of A in the early part of the last century? Well, it's so true... Gather round, ye chuckleheads, while I tell you a story.
It all started with a drunken Irishman, Ted Healy, whose despotic dreams involved ownership of the masses... well.... at least three of them.
Long story short, Ted dicked his "stooges" one too many times and they took a powder. The resulting mayhem resembled Red Square after Czar Nickie and his inbred entourage posed as models for the upcoming soap opera, Days of our Despots. The Stooges were free from Ted's imperialist oppression.
In the vacuum Moe stepped in to assume the mantle of "fearless leader". With his quick temper and up to the minute salad bowl 'doo, he was a natural. (google Hitler)
Under Moe's leadership all went to hell. Rugs got ruined, buildings got demolished, swanky parties turned into unmitigated pie throwing disasters, and the precious artifacts from the Egyptian King, Rootintootin and his bride, Queen Hotsitotsi were almost lost in the mists of antiquity. What a maroon!
What can I say? Power corrupts, and absolute power corrupts absolutely.
What was the masses...............er mass... namely, Curley, doing at this time? He was going along with all of Moe's obsessions with chuckleheaded zealotry, no matter how many times he got poked in the eyes or got an axe across the head or a fist in the stomach. The game was follow the leader and Curley was It. In time, Curley was no match for Moe's abuse of power and was quickly replaced by Shemp (Howard), (Curley) Joe Besser and (Curley) Joe DeRita. Only Shemp retained his non-Curly name. Our lord who art in heaven, Howard be thy name...
Larry, the non-Howard outcast, was duped into believing his massive intelligence was no match for Moe's ruthless iron fisted leadership. Larry's compliance was maintained by being constantly belittled with public humiliation, torture and name calling.
Larry's hospital records read like a laundry list of "accidental" injuries such as, handfuls of hair ripped from his scalp, ice tongs yanked from his ears, multiple concussions, and repeated eye injuries. Public humiliation with names such as "porcupine" followed by a slap across the face was commonplace.
Their exploits captured the attention of the American public through a medium called television, which became the surrogate parent and principal learning instrument for children in the mid to late 20th century.
From early infancy American children learned virtually all of their social values from television and the 3 Comrades monopolized every time slot on nearly every channel, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, for half a century, indoctrinating our youth to Marxist philosophies with a subtlety we are hardly able to fathom until now. Only PBS had the audacity to pre-empt directed programming with Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers but to no avail. The 3 Comrades were firmly entrenched in the subconscious of the masses. Early childhood programming manifested into Curley-like liberalism/masochism in adults... Adults who were now the voters, movers and shakers of society. Even Larry, the epitome of 500 years of intelligencia, found himself unable to break away from the shackles of Moe's despotic grasp. He became Minister of Propaganda and "Pop Goes the Weasel" became the national anthem.
Under Moe's direction, Curley underwent extensive brainwashing. Later analysis determined that some of the primary methodologies employed on him during his imprisonment, designed to break down his autonomy, included sleep deprivation, repeated conks on the head and other intense psychological manipulations including exposure to the tune, "Pop Goes the Weasel" over and over at incredibly high volume. It was during this time, Curley developed an acute reaction to this tune, which caused him to react in ways described as insanely violent. Cheese, particularly Roquefort, was the only substance known to counteract Curley's violent behavior. It's been theorized his insane reaction to this tune inspired Moe to make Curley a cheese addict, thus having complete control of his troika.
Repeated exposure to eye gouging, hitting people on the head with hammers, crates, and axes, the occasional blow torch on the seat of the pants, foreign objects rammed in various orifices of the human body, and ripping out handfuls of hair with no reasonable restraint, over decades, has created a society that actually believes it's cool to be violent, stupid, and non-responsible for it's actions. It only makes sense that after they wrecked havoc they can be seen fleeing on bicycles, hospital gurneys, sliding down steps, or simply running away in double quick time accompanied by the sounds of Curley's WOO WOO WOO. It gives all Americans the idea you can get away with anything, especially if you're not responsible for your actions.
All for one! One for all! Everyman for himself!
Moe Larry Curley
Any questions?
