Authoritarian, bossy, bully, know-it-all, administration, idea man, eye-poker,
Republican, reactionary, short temper, easily frustrated, Beatle look-alike,
Got his big break by overthrowing his imperialist master,
Ted Healy. Became the bourgeois barking dog of the trio.
Loveable nit-wit, Moe's punching bag, working class, job drifter, Democrat,
talks funny, Telly Savalas wannabe, rotund, chicks love him, can't cook, jack of
no trade, liberal, proletariat.
Got his break when Moe freed him from servitude to the
tall one, Ted Healy.
The little man with the big hair, innocuous, gets slapped every time he opens
his mouth, Moe's other punching bag, violin virtuoso, artist, Everyman,
Republicrat, non-Howard, intellegencia.
Thought Ted Healy was ok. Still waiting for his
Could anyone ever guess in a
zillion years that The 3 Stooges spearheaded a Marxist form of government in the
good ol' US of A in the early part of the last century? Well, it's so
true... Gather round, ye chuckleheads, while I tell you a story.
It all started with a drunken Irishman, Ted Healy,
whose despotic dreams involved ownership of the masses... well.... at least
three of them.
Long story short, Ted dicked his "stooges"
one too many times and they took a powder. The resulting mayhem resembled
Red Square after Czar Nickie and his inbred entourage posed as models for the
upcoming soap opera, Days of our Despots. The Stooges were free from Ted's
In the vacuum Moe stepped in to assume the mantle of
"fearless leader". With his quick temper and up to the minute
salad bowl 'doo, he was a natural. (google Hitler)
Under Moe's leadership all went to hell. Rugs
got ruined, buildings got demolished, swanky parties turned into unmitigated pie
throwing disasters, and the precious artifacts from the Egyptian King,
Rootintootin and his bride, Queen Hotsitotsi were almost lost in the mists of
antiquity. What a maroon!
What can I say? Power corrupts, and absolute
power corrupts absolutely.
What was the masses...............er mass... namely,
Curley, doing at this time? He was going along with all of Moe's
obsessions with chuckleheaded zealotry, no matter how many times he got poked in
the eyes or got an axe across the head or a fist in the stomach. The game was
follow the leader and Curley was It. In time, Curley was no match for Moe's
abuse of power and was quickly replaced by Shemp (Howard), (Curley) Joe Besser
and (Curley) Joe DeRita. Only Shemp retained his non-Curly name. Our
lord who art in heaven, Howard be thy name...
Larry, the non-Howard outcast, was duped
into believing his massive intelligence was no match for Moe's ruthless iron
fisted leadership. Larry's compliance was maintained by being constantly
belittled with public humiliation, torture and name calling.
Larry's hospital records read like a laundry list of
"accidental" injuries such as, handfuls of hair ripped from his scalp,
ice tongs yanked from his ears, multiple concussions, and repeated eye
injuries. Public humiliation with names such as "porcupine"
followed by a slap across the face was commonplace.
exploits captured the attention of the American public through a medium called
television, which became the surrogate parent and principal learning instrument
for children in the mid to late 20th century.
From early infancy American children learned
virtually all of their social values from television and the 3 Comrades monopolized
every time slot on nearly every channel, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, for
half a century, indoctrinating our youth to Marxist philosophies with a subtlety
we are hardly able to fathom until now. Only PBS had the audacity to
pre-empt directed programming with Sesame Street and Mr. Rogers but to no
avail. The 3 Comrades were firmly entrenched in the subconscious of the
masses. Early childhood programming manifested into Curley-like
liberalism/masochism in adults... Adults who were now the voters, movers
and shakers of society. Even Larry, the epitome of 500 years of
intelligencia, found himself unable to break away from the shackles of Moe's
despotic grasp. He became Minister of Propaganda and "Pop Goes the
Weasel" became the national anthem.
Under Moe's direction, Curley underwent extensive
brainwashing. Later analysis determined that some of the primary
methodologies employed on him during his imprisonment, designed to break down
his autonomy, included sleep deprivation, repeated conks on the head and other
intense psychological manipulations including exposure to the tune, "Pop
Goes the Weasel" over and over at incredibly high volume. It was
during this time, Curley developed an acute reaction to this tune, which
caused him to react in ways described as insanely violent. Cheese, particularly
Roquefort, was the only substance known to counteract Curley's violent
behavior. It's been theorized his insane reaction to this tune inspired
Moe to make Curley a cheese addict, thus having complete control of his troika.
Repeated exposure to eye gouging, hitting people on
the head with hammers, crates, and axes, the occasional blow torch on the seat
of the pants, foreign objects rammed in various orifices of the human body, and
ripping out handfuls of hair with no reasonable restraint, over decades, has
created a society that actually believes it's cool to be violent, stupid, and
non-responsible for it's actions. It only makes sense that after they
wrecked havoc they can be seen fleeing on bicycles, hospital gurneys, sliding
down steps, or simply running away in double quick time accompanied by the
sounds of Curley's WOO WOO WOO. It gives all Americans the idea you can
get away with anything, especially if you're not responsible for your actions.
|All for one!