Global Warming

~an argument for~

Warmer winters, hotter summers?  What's so bad about that?

Everyone's up in arms about global warming these days.  So what if a few coastal areas gets flooded.  Who cares about some uninhabited Pacific islands that might disappear?  Won't we all be better off with a lower cost of keeping warm during the winter months in the colder areas of the world?  After all, the vast majority of the world's population live above the 33rd parallel.  Wouldn't global warming be a good thing for them?   

Ok, so Kansas winter wheat might have a hard time growing without a deep freeze in winter and all that high priced real estate on the coast will be under water.  So what?  The Jersey pines will be the new Atlantic City, old people will retire in Georgia, and Kansas will learn to grow corn or soybeans or pineapples or something that isn't so specific about how much freezing weather it needs in winter to grow in the spring.  It's not like we'll go from 50 degrees to 110 degrees overnight.  It's not the end of the world and never will be.  

This change, if any, will happen gradually and, as humans, we can adapt (unless you happen to live in the Kansas Bible belt). 

The Earth does what it wants and there's nothing we can do to stop it.  Dude, get over it.  Let's head for the beach.  Sun, sand, babes, booze... Do I need to draw you a diaphragm?  Well, ok!

Or do you want the same old, same old?  Politicians, taxes, ugly cashiers, doctors probing up your ass, shitty coffee, dirty laundry, hair in your food, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!!!


Do I have to repeat myself.     Sun, sand, babes, booze...  Dude, you are hopeless.  Do.  The.  Math.

Global warming is good.  Go ahead ---admit it.  You hate winter.  Cold house, cold feet, frozen car, heavy coat, all-around drag for 6 months.  But cheer up... ExxonMobil made 52% profit this year and your life is better, right?  You're warmer, your wife worships the ground you walk on, your friends are impressed, life is sweet, right?

So let's recap.  Dirty, grungy winters in New Jersey with temporality impressed wives (for which you'll get 1 or 2 nights of hum-drum sex) vs. ... sun, sand, babes, booze.  Dude, the writings on the wall.  Start firing up the SUV's, freon rules, burn plastic in your back yard, and get rid of that fuckin smelly catalytic converter!

Toxic-shmoxic.  They don't want us to have any fun.

Screw these tree-hugging, owl-worshiping, tofu-eating, angst-ridden, anus-licking, prison bitches of ecology.  How much fun are they?  ZERO.

Let's recap again.  Stringy, worn out, vegan whores vs. sun-kissed, voluptuous, tropical babes.  Do I have to draw you a diaphragm?  AGAIN?

What are we so upset about?  The melting of the ice caps?  The intuits' snowmobiles going through the ice? The loss of New Orleans? 

(a few frenchies, more or less)

(all right, disregard that for now --fuckin french don't count anyway.  give me some freedom fries with my freedom toast.  buncha unwashed, smelly, pompous, cheese-eating surrender monkeys, oo la la)

And what have the polar ice caps done for us anyway?  They've caused hurricanes in the fall, severe winters, and general nastiness.  Do we want this?

Ok... recap.... Sun, sand, babes, booze.  vs.  All this negative crap.  

Can I hear an argument? 


I rest my case.




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