~an argument for~
Warmer winters, hotter summers? What's so bad about
Everyone's up in arms about global warming these days. So
what if a few coastal areas gets flooded. Who cares about some uninhabited
Pacific islands that might disappear? Won't we all be better off with a
lower cost of keeping warm during the winter months in the colder areas of the
world? After all, the vast majority of the world's population live above
the 33rd parallel. Wouldn't global warming be a good thing for
Ok, so Kansas winter wheat might have a hard time growing without a deep freeze
in winter and all that high priced real estate on the coast will be under
water. So what? The Jersey pines will be the new Atlantic City, old
people will retire in Georgia, and Kansas will learn to grow corn or soybeans or
pineapples or something that isn't so specific about how much freezing weather
it needs in winter to grow in the spring. It's not like we'll go from 50
degrees to 110 degrees overnight. It's not the end of the world and never
This change, if any, will happen
gradually and, as humans, we can adapt (unless you happen to live in the Kansas
The Earth does what it wants and there's nothing we can do to
stop it. Dude, get over it. Let's head for the beach. Sun,
sand, babes, booze... Do I need to draw you a diaphragm? Well, ok!
Or do you want the same old, same old? Politicians,
taxes, ugly cashiers, doctors probing up your ass, shitty coffee, dirty laundry,
hair in your food, dogs and cats living together, mass hysteria!!!
Do I have to repeat myself. Sun, sand,
babes, booze... Dude, you are hopeless. Do. The. Math.
Global warming is good. Go ahead ---admit it. You
hate winter. Cold house, cold feet, frozen car, heavy coat, all-around
drag for 6 months. But cheer up... ExxonMobil made 52% profit this year
and your life is better, right? You're warmer, your wife worships the
ground you walk on, your friends are impressed, life is sweet, right?
So let's recap. Dirty, grungy winters in New Jersey with temporality
impressed wives (for which you'll get 1 or 2 nights of hum-drum sex) vs. ...
sun, sand, babes, booze. Dude, the writings on the wall. Start
firing up the SUV's, freon rules, burn plastic in your back yard, and get rid of
that fuckin smelly catalytic converter!
Toxic-shmoxic. They don't want us to
have any fun.
Screw these tree-hugging,
tofu-eating, angst-ridden, anus-licking, prison bitches of ecology. How
much fun are they? ZERO.
Let's recap again. Stringy, worn out,
vegan whores vs. sun-kissed, voluptuous, tropical babes. Do I have to draw
you a diaphragm? AGAIN?
What are we so upset about? The melting
of the ice caps? The intuits' snowmobiles going through the ice? The loss
of New Orleans?
(a few frenchies, more or less)
(all right, disregard that for now --fuckin
french don't count anyway. give me some freedom fries with my freedom
toast. buncha unwashed, smelly, pompous, cheese-eating surrender monkeys,
oo la la)
And what have the polar ice caps done for us
anyway? They've caused hurricanes in the fall, severe winters, and general
nastiness. Do we want this?
Ok... recap.... Sun, sand, babes, booze.
vs. All this negative crap.
Can I hear an argument?
I rest my case.